It's been a while since I last blogged about Dragon Ball, in part due to scheduling issues. Since last time I've only seen seven more episodes. Now I'm here to repeat the same tired warnings: don't watch this show, it's sexist, it's dumb, yada yada.
Since Last Time
Dragon Balls
Well, as I'd feared, they found all the Dragon Balls in short order. The one was Pilaf's, and after some altercations they managed to summon the dragon. Lingerie Pig Oolong, ever the champion of justice, asked the dragon for a pair of panties in order to prevent Pilaf from asking it for world domination. Oolong now has a permanent head accessory.
To answer last week's question ("Will they find the last Dragon Ball next week?")... Yes.
Oolong
Oolong is no longer slave to Bloomers, because the party has disbanded. Bloomers (bad at boys, wants a boyfriend) and Brunch (bad at girls, wants a wife) realized that they don't need Dragon Balls to make their wishes come true. Instead they decide something along the lines of, "I'm horny, you're horny, let's do this," and they return to the city to live their dream lives in a relationship with each other. Oolong goes to the city as well, on the premise that there're lots of girls in the city. I think his new fashion choice might weaken his game, but that's not saying much, because he's really the worst to begin with.
To answer last week's question ("How long will Bloomers keep Oolong as a slave?")... Not long.
How It All Went Down
Pilaf's goons stole the Dragon Balls from from Goku's party, but they didn't take Goku's grandfather because they're terrible at their jobs. Brunch shows up, lies about his intentions, and joins the party, helping them make their way to Pilaf's castle to try to reclaim the balls. Upon reaching the castle, we are subjected to a lengthy and tedious episode of traps, capture, evasion, breakouts, rinse, repeat... Finally Pilaf gets his shit together and summons the dragon. After his plans are foiled by Degenerate Pig Oolong, he recaptures the party.
Then things briefly become interesting. Our protagonists are trapped beneath a giant skylight under the full moon. Goku explains that a monster appears during the full moon—in fact, the very same monster that killed his gramps. Then he promptly transforms into a giant weremonkey and absolutely wrecks Pilaf's castle.
This twist comes out of left field and is an uncomfortable mix of funny and horrifying. Cute little Goku killed his own grandfather? To save the party from Goku's rampage, Brunch's sycophant Pu-erh transforms into a pair of scissors and cuts off Goku's tail (how exactly? he's immune to bullets but a stuffed animal can slice through his body?) and everything is back to normal, except that the Dragon Balls have dispersed again. Pilaf flees and the party ponders what to do next.
This is where the show lost what little of me it had.
After the Dragon Balls
You may recall that I once said something like this:
At this rate, Bloomers will have her dream boyfriend within a week, and the show will continue with 145 episodes of filler. This is the equivalent of if Fullmetal Alchemist were titled Lior. Dragon Ball's sense of adventure seems to be its primary redeeming quality, so I hope they find something else to search for.
—Dragon Ball 1-4
Unfortunately, the "something else to search for" turned out to be women for the Turtle Hermit to molest. With the rest of the party gone to the city, Goku returns to Turtle House for training. The old man demands that Goku kidnap women for him in exchange for his teachings. Goku, being the blank slate that he is with no comprehension of the world and no ethics, complies. Two full episodes are dedicated to Goku's kidnapping efforts. It's painful to watch, and it's not getting better. I was worried that Goku's training arc would be boring, but instead it's intensely offensive. Never a dull moment!
Someone once told me that Dragon Ball gets much better after the initial arc. Clearly, that person likes human trafficking. Fuck that person and honestly fuck Dragon Ball. I don't know how much longer I can do this.